-incoherently.blogspot

2010-07-08T23:40:00.000+08:00

FRETTING! >:(

:O

2010-06-25T23:01:00.003+08:00

:O

Since the starting of May, I have not been in the pink of health. I would fall sick once every 2 weeks. Hence I had been fully utilising my 7 days of (paid and reimbursed) medical leave very well because I have been perpetually falling sick these few months. So far, I have taken 4 days of medical leave out of 7 days! I'm really an awesome and productive worker :P So much for being cheaper, better, faster. I also think that I've experienced these 3 different types of sore throats these 2 months:

1. Strep throat - sore throat that is so painful that it is difficult to swallow anything. It also comes along with a fever.
2. Normal sore throat
3. Sore throat with loss of voice

Currently, I'm experiencing the 3rd type of sore throat =.= My work totally worsens my condition because I'm required to speak/interact with job seekers everyday! During registration, handling incessant enquiries or (the worst, oops) doing forms processing, I would need to utilise my voice! :O OH MY VOICE :( It's time to rest you over the weekend before I return to battlefield on Monday :(

Over the past week, I had also faced some irritating problems with my 4th finger on my left hand! It had been painful for the last 5 days, in the sense that it feels like the nerves are pulling themselves =.= Today, there is a clearly visible bruise on it and it's a bit swollen now at the finger bridge too:( Furthermore, it feels stiff and I need to exert more force than usual to stretch it out fully. Okay I really sound like an old woman here!!!!!! Even my colleagues say so! :O I'm still wondering if I should see a Western doctor (who will prescribe painkillers only) or a Chinese doctor or to let it heal by itself. ZZZ.

On another note, I will be embarking on a new phase of my life next week! Truth to be told, I'm really very apprehensive and scared, because I'm afraid that I cannot find awesome friends like I did in school and at work. I really hope everything will work out and fall into place because my first impressions of everything are not exactly great. I'm not exactly excited either. Did I really make the right choice? :/ I truly hope so!

12:22AM

2010-06-01T00:22:00.002+08:00

OH MY GOSH I'M SO FREAKING TIRED!!!!!! AND IT'S ONLY MONDAY :(

I'm currently sewing a new creation. It's my first time trying to make something like that. I sound like I've been making things. Oops, that's untrue because I really love sleeping during my free time :D And I realised that I do not possess the necessary qualities of a tailor! I'm not meticulous. I'm not patient. And I suck at sewing!!!!!!!!! HAHAHA I hope my new creation does not disintegrate when it starts to get used by its recipient... :D

Most importantly, the recipient must like it :) :) :)

现在超累的，工作时头痛了一整天啊。一定是因为昨天喝了咖啡。明天下班后要回家赶工哦~ 睡觉了！加油加油~

2010-05-24T23:17:00.000+08:00

GOODBYE PEKING

I hope I'll get to see you in the future!

Decisions are painful

2010-05-19T22:51:00.003+08:00

20 May 2010 is just tomorrow! Probably 1 hour and 3 minutes away now. Approximately a month ago, I was counting down to this fateful day when I have to finally make my decision whether to go to Peking or not. As of today, 19 May 2010, I'm deviating towards Law and I've probably turned the tables around in just a matter of 2 short weeks. As compared to my lengthy 1-year contemplation of whether to go Peking, 2 weeks may seem short, and my decision may be dismissed as precipitate.

Truthfully, I've had a hard time deciding between the two, because I believe both will lead me to a bright, albeit tough, future. Yet, both options are on the opposite ends of the spectrum, and thus I took an extremely long time to finally decide. I even lost sleep fretting over this. Choosing either option would no doubt bring about great challenges, pros and cons, and a great future, yet each choice would impact my life differently. More specifically, both choices will definitely change my life forever.

After a long contemplation on my own, and soliciting views from everyone and everywhere, I'm pretty much settled on Law. I'm really upset to give up my Peking offer because I truly think it's a great chance to explore and tap into the Chinese market if I could study there. Studying there could have given me worldly perspectives and an authentic understanding of China, which could have made me one of the rare few who could think like them. I'll probably be in great demand when I grow up because China is the new fad. I understand all these predictions. I understand that this is a really good opportunity. I understand that I was trained and groomed in school to take this route. I'm afraid I'll regret not choosing Peking. Yet, I also understand the challenges that come along with it, and wondering whether my abilities are up to scratch. I'm doubting myself. And I think it's kind of hard to leave everything behind for 4 years. And probably leave everything behind in the future since I had pictured myself working in China. Maybe this isn't the choice after all?

Therefore, Law.

(As I'm highly fickle, I may change my mind easily. So I daren't send out any confirmation emails, or accept anything via the portal. Hahahahahahaa)

2010-05-11T00:48:00.001+08:00

Law or Peking?

THIS IS REALLY REALLY MAD

2010-05-06T23:11:00.002+08:00

It's rather scary how a short span of a few weeks could matter so much, to the point of life-alteration and an escalation of emotions. I'm not a very good person at expressing my emotions to others, not to say consoling someone. These few weeks, the atmosphere around me has pretty much intensified, in a sense that I'm feeling anxious over my job security, and that my environment has become so strange and unfamiliar now. It's as if I'm truly understanding the nature of the place, that it is not as benign as it was supposed to be.

I don't know what to expect, and what to do. 摸着石头过河吧。走一步算一步，但要更小心地走。

CONTROL

2010-04-24T22:23:00.002+08:00

Approximately 4 days ago, I started playing Hotel City on Facebook. Many of my colleagues around me were playing it and they asked me to join the craze. And I did! Being a typical total noob at games, I was surprised to find how easy Hotel City is to navigate and play! I had previously steered clear of any games, except for Pokemon which really intrigues me, because I'm seriously a noob and I'll quit playing the game within minutes. Of course, my colleagues did give me tips when I was starting out, so that contributed to me picking up the game quickly.

Within a day, I was hooked.

Within 3 days, my game crashed -.- And I'm unable to access Hotel City at all! I'm really sad and affected ttm :( :( It's all because of a stupid glitch!!!!!

So yeah, I spent my whole Saturday without Hotel City. And I'm going to spend my Sunday without Hotel City too :(

Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise and I can quit the game for good and do something productive. Say, sleeping or watching TV. Just not using the computer!

In addition to controlling my Hotel City addiction, I need to control my money spending badly. Have been spending incessantly on random things and on retail therapy. I must be thrifty come May!!!! It's 2 weeks to pay day - I really need that pay check to save my failing bank account D: And I'm kind of getting the hang of blogshopping thanks to peer influence so that will fuel my spending by a bit. CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL. I can kill this spending madness!

On another note, 20/05/2010 is the day I will have to make a decision for my ungreat future. Ahhhh headache >:(

Long long weekend ahead

2010-04-15T00:11:00.004+08:00

Just spent quite some time scouting the entire Law thread, and judging by the posts made by previous batches of interviewees, I'm screwed. Hmm it feels rather different from the SMU Law interview that I've attended, because the spotlight will be on me, myself and I and that is really quite intimidating for someone who has close to zero prior legal knowledge. They will see through me just this easily. Oh well, I'll need some common sense and logic (if I really do possess any) to engulf me and pull me through this weekend ordeal.

Yet, I think I've made a significant improvement today by committing myself to read the entire Law thread for the last hour :) Chatting online really kills productivity yeah. To illustrate, I've been working on my statement since Monday and I'm still nowhere close to completion. My thoughts don't flow as well as I've imagined them to be. They seem more organised in my head than in actual writing, and this gets me really frustrated. When I get to work tomorrow, I will try to squeeze some time out to complete my statement and print it out nicely. I will also set myself down to complete the relevant forms. When I get back from work tomorrow, I must ensure that I lock myself up in my room without TV/Facebook/MSN and read up on Law. There will be increased intensiveness for preparation because I reckon it will be a gruelling 15 minutes for me on Friday.

What's greater is that I'll be on leave on Friday! (Duh) I'll be able to enjoy a supposedly longer weekend than others because I will end my interview in the early afternoon and the time thereafter is freeee :) I'll need to fret on Sunday again though... :(

Actually I haven't felt so serious in a long while.

ps. The daily ear blockage is really irritating and killing me. Stupid ENT specialists are not doing anything to cure my ear! ): What did they really study medicine for

2010-04-11T22:02:00.000+08:00

Come to think of it I think I want to go to Peking now. Badly.

TGIF!

2010-04-09T20:24:00.003+08:00

TGIF!!! :) I had a really long and tiring week at work. Almost everyday was occupied by events and I was overwhelmed with admin matters, especially for today. I made a BIG mistake and felt really guilty about it because my colleague had to 收拾残局 on behalf of me as I was literally drowning in work. So glad that it's FINALLY Friday and that I can rest my tired soul during the weekends :) Going to treat my face and hair well tomorrow evening! Should I go swimming in the afternoon as well?

Today also marks the end of the working journey for 2 of my temp friends at e2i! Could really feel the sadness in my other friend(s) and I really am at a loss as to what to do D: My observations are really sharp and my sixth sense is highly accurate, I must say. Serious, not boasting! But I'm really sure that everything will be okay eventually because time will always heal our wounds. We'll all be stronger in the end! :) I can seriously testify to that. Well, I will also need some time to heal my damaged soul. But I will get through that as always and as usual :)

Okay I'm off to watch a HK drama and I shall watch Oh! My Lady later! Choi Si Won!!!! :)

Money!

2010-04-04T23:51:00.003+08:00

Much have occurred the last few days, or even weeks, since my last post was....almost 2 weeks ago? Today, I really spent a bomb on the dead sea products. Spent $220 on 4 products after being persuaded for a long time :( It's a really risky investment this time round. My mom has no knowledge of this, thankfully. I have no intention to make this known to her anyway. The products can supposedly last me for about a year, which means I can bring them to China yay. They better be worth my money!!! After spending so much, Yiwei and I felt so listless and depressed about our money that we went home very soon after. We left without scouting the whole of town. Depressed from spending so much money :(

I've seriously spent A LOT in March I think it's almost my whole month's worth of salary? D: Sad ttm. I must not spend my money in April when pay day comes in about a few days' time. I must control my spending prowess! It's really quite scary... Hmmm actually the best way to avoid spending is to NOT go out. I won't get to see anything I like, and I won't get to be persuaded by anyone, and I won't buy anything. So I won't spend :) Plus I'm not really into online shopping, so I won't buy anything online. Another way is to keep reiterating this to yourself when you see something you like. "I will not buy this because I DO NOT NEED IT. I DO NOT NEED IT!" And come to think of it, we really don't need a lot of the things that we buy. Soft toys especially. Small soft toys specifically. They don't serve any definitive purposes, and the small handphone key chains never last more than 2 weeks on my phone, maybe due to my violent nature.

On another note, I went to donate blood for the 3rd time today. I hope my donated packets of blood had been or will be put to good use in another person's life! :D

Actually I don't really see the need to blog anymore because I don't contain as much angst as before and I am preoccupied with work these days. Maybe I will close down this blog someday.

:')

2010-03-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

萧煌奇's 阿嬷的话 is extremely nice and touching :') :') :')

Dilemma!!!

2010-03-21T12:38:00.002+08:00

3 offers, 3 dilemmas, 1,000,000 problems still

*Dejected sigh*

I really put myself in a spot this time!!! Who knew that I could have passed those interviews? Even so, with my less than perfect grades? Now, I have to seriously search my inner self for the thing I am really passionate about, and stop following what my mom tells me, what my friends tell me, what my colleagues tell me, and what society tells me.

I know my problems sound so trivial as compared to that of others. They will kill to have my "problems", I know.

On a side note, I love Queen of Housewives' OST. Btw, I haven't been catching up on dramas because I'm overwhelmed by fatigue when I get home on weekdays, and my weekends are rather packed with applications now :( Completed 5 applications this week! I'm awesome.

Decisions

2010-03-09T22:55:00.007+08:00

Land of Bicycles

Land of Ancient Chinese Architecture

Harvard of the East

Many must be wondering how I have fared for the A's, given their 'good impressions' of me. I did neither too well nor too badly, so I don't really know whether it's a good thing, or not? On one hand, it really killed quite a number of options for me, and on the other, I'm more determined to make my life work! Double-edged sword, they say.

While others are fretting over their results, university courses and admission, I have a different level of worrying altogether...as seen in the pictures above.

People who know me quite well (close friends and colleagues) should by now know that I'm headed to 北大, but I'm still faltering in my decision. It's probably just me, that I'm still unable to accept the fact that I'm leaving everything for good. Also, I'm actively searching for 'financial assistance', so as to relieve the burden on my family. Those two reasons are the two biggest worries that I need to seek solutions for right now. A myriad of other small factors also account for my contemplation.

A minority of friends has exclaimed and disputed over my choice, while the majority of others have shown great support.

So my decision is...pending. It's still too early to conclude. Time will tell, especially when I'm informed of the details of my admission :)

Goodbye!

A Day before D-day

2010-03-04T22:41:00.002+08:00

5 March 2010, i.e. D-day, judgment day, moment of truth, whatever you name it, IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't believe it, seriously. It's a really surreal feeling. Am I only on candid camera? It felt like yesterday that I just ended my last CSC paper -.- Haha.

Anyway there was a goody piece of news today. ^.^ WELCOME TO CHINA!!!!!!!

Thanks to everyone, my friends and my colleagues at e2i for the encouragement all along. :)! Now the only thing left is to hope that tomorrow will also be a good day.

Digressing

2010-02-21T22:16:00.002+08:00

I'm so lazy nowadays...........I can't even be bothered to finish my applications :(

叶颐霖同学……

Sneepy.

Update!

2010-02-05T22:56:00.002+08:00

Firstly, TGIF!

I cannot believe I actually survived the crazy week, which kicked off with my interview on Monday morning. It felt pretty long ago actually. Then the subsequent days were 9 - 6.30 daily, filled with quite a number of events, and I really look forward to 6.30 everyday! Love the feeling of walking to the MRT station, and then reaching home :) Even though every night and morning feels like a bad vicious cycle, this week flew by quite fast I must say. Ahh, working life.

I cannot remember what I did on Tuesday?! -.- Shall go and dig into my memory...

Wednesday was an office-bound day for me. Cooped up in the office with a dead atmosphere, I was made to be a tele-surveyor and had to make phone calls to the random sample I had chosen. It was quite a bad experience, the worst being being scolded at for 10 whole minutes -.- Seriously. Add those who refuse to pick up their phones to the list. But I also had a fair share of good experiences, like hearing successful job placements. I was also a tele-surveyor for a short period of time on Thursday afternoon. But I'm so glad that I've been ultra productive (vs studying!) and completed my investigations way before the deadline. :)

But today, I was assigned more "groundwork" like investigations again. No phone calls, thankfully. But I will be anticipating some phone calling assignments in the very near future D: At least I have some leftover work from today to complete on Monday :) Data entry, and more investigations. YAY! I'm happy because time will fly when I'm working hard, not slacking.

Okay so that basically sums up my whole week. Sleep and wake up to a busy weekend. Monday is coming. Monday blues, ahhhhh!

I Love My Job

2010-01-27T23:16:00.002+08:00

Hate the daily long and expensive MRT rides.
Hate to wake up early at 7AM everyday.
Hate anticipating the arrival of 6.30pm everyday when I start work.

Yet, I still love my job :)

The satisfaction is really overwhelming, and that makes me really glad that I found this job :)

My colleagues are really awesome people. They have been feeling so hyped up about my coming interview that they are actually practising speaking Mandarin with me, giving me tips for it and even asking if I want to rehearse :')

Mad awesome.

Random

2010-01-25T00:05:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to be sleeping now, because I need to wake up earlier for work tomorrow since there is a super important event tomorrow morning. The media will be coming down for the event I heard! So I definitely can't screw up tomorrow, and I need to make sure my hair is neat in case I get captured in the background. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay, I kid.

Anyway, I know I'm slow slow slow, but I just came back from watching Avatar 3D at the Discovery Centre!!!!! I'm really not a movie person, even though I'm such an avid drama and TV fan. I just don't work in the same way. But watching dramas and movies are two very different things to begin with! Avatar was really awesome! :B I KNOW I'M REALLY SLOW LAH. Speaking of dramas, I can watch 海派甜心again tomorrow. Yay! ^.^V

I really cannot find the time to fit in any drama watching these. I plan to continue Will It Snow For Christmas (LOL, Christmas is long over), おひとりさま (I ONLY WATCHED LESS THAN 1/4 OF THE FIRST EPISODE, EPIC WIN), and 珠光宝气 marathons every Sunday morning. Really loved the teenage version of Kang-jin in WISFC, and Go Soo's intense eyes! I also want to watch IRIS and check out the hoo-ha over it. Will also probably check out some of the new Korean dramas airing on Mon/Tues nights. The problem is: Do I really have the time for all these? I sleep most of my weekends away because I'm so worn out after the whole week, and my weekends will be packed with activities the coming weeks. It's quite sad that I'm sacrificing dramas for activities :(

Random thoughts of the day
A Level results are out in approximately 5 weeks' time! How time flies.
Ahh, work again.
My interviews are on Friday and Monday! Why do I feel so screwed up?
I really did not apply to SMU
I'm so poor now, I need to get some money from the ATM machine tomorrow or else I will eat air for lunch tomorrow.
I wonder when will I get my pay? Early Feb?
What should I do with my pay then? Feed my bank account?

Imperfect Information

2010-01-23T23:32:00.002+08:00

I'm currently so vexed over whether I should waste $15 applying to SMU. Based on my very superficial understanding of the 3 local universities, I am obviously not in favour of SMU. Sorry. After further research to correct my imperfect information, I am still not in favour of SMU. Still, due to my inherent Singaporean kiasu nature, it would be foolish not to apply for all. However, if I already know that my ultimate decision will not even take SMU into consideration, then there is no point in applying in the first place. I will just waste my money, time and effort, and I will also waste the time of the person going through my application. Anyway, even if I miss this early cycle and come to regret it, I can still catch the next wave after A's results are out!!!

So, I guess the final verdict is that I'm going to give this early cycle a miss :)

Now, I need to catalyse my preparation for my upcoming interviews, and also find time to submit more applications!!!! Super lazy /:

TGIF

2010-01-21T22:54:00.002+08:00

Friday is just, tomorrow! TGIF!

I can finally put my tired soul on a 2 day holiday and enjoy some time out with friends and also with my sofa and TV :) V^.^V Yay!

On a side note, I dreamt that my A's results were out...and they were quite realistic, but not ideal. I could really feel the whole range of emotions coursing through my veins the moment I saw my results slip even though I was dreaming xD It felt like a bad reality hit. Funny thing is, there was a percentage mark for A's, and an annex which listed all the top students from DHS, which aren't present in real life. Thankfully, I woke up right after I saw my results and realised that it was all but a dream! Phew. At least I have some mental, literally, preparation for bad grades. About 1.5 months to the real thing? Good luck to me.

Hmm, and I've stopped hoping for anything big, or waiting for any calls/emails, because it's not too bad to be normal after all. Plus, it's not the end of the journey if I don't get all the ideal things in life. Worse still, the ideal things I perceive to be now may end up like a nightmare to me in the future. Who knows? I have other options, other chances and other solutions to seek. Yah I really don't know why I'm so myopic. I think I'm shaped by the stupid culture around me

Of course, deep down inside me, I would still like to receive that call/email of confirmation. Waiting is the most painful thing to do! :( Nerve-wrecking!

Flu-like Symptoms

2010-01-18T22:00:00.003+08:00

My throat and nose are being such bitches now $%#$^@$#$ The former is dry while the latter is wet. Tomorrow will be another long day at work, which will be further aggravated by my bad throat and nose :( Must prepare tons of tissues and lozenges for my long battle tomorrow. Hopefully no one will talk to me tomorrow so I don't have to activate my ever-painful throat, and I can ensure that my virus is not passed around. How considerate am I, seriously! On a side note, I really hate squeezing with everyone on the train in the morning and evening. I also have a craving for Koi milk tea now despite the bad condition I'm in. It's really that addictive!!!

Okay there's still a long 6 months to go. It's not that I hate work, but I just hate the feeling of waking up early in the morning. It's just like school, except that in school I get to stone when I feel like it, but at work, I have to be on my toes all the time. Sometimes when I've nothing to do at work, I'll just slack for a while, but I'll feel so guilty. After all, I earn money every second that I spend slacking, and 世界上没有免费的午餐!

Maybe I should get some shut-eye now while waiting for all my videos to be converted.

Random

2010-01-17T21:43:00.002+08:00

There is a nagging dry and painful sensation going down my throat now. Such an awful dull pain. I've ate Extra Strong Strepsils, drank honey water and quite a lot of plain water, and ate lots of fruits like rock melon, apples and oranges, but to no avail. Besides these, I also ate pain-inducing things like durians. LOL.

Just completed my application :) Now I must worry about the annoying Appraisal. Now I've to bother my school teachers again :( I'm also wondering if I should apply to SMU too. Or should I just save the application fee? I'll decide next Saturday!!!

There's work tomorrow, on Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday. Ahh. Looking forward to finishing work on Friday though, so that I can do some catching up (and shopping!) with FT and SN. Haven't seen FT in ages!!!!! Like, maybe for about 1 month or so? And on Saturday I will become $400 richer. Hahaha. Also cannot wait to finish work tomorrow so that I can watch 海派甜心

Cannot wait for May to come so that I can visit Universal Studios with SN! By then it will mean that A's results are already out, and I may be reeling from unpleasant shock. ZZZ.

I really cannot wait to get my salary and get my HPV vaccination and also my camera. These are only tentative plans. I may decide to be a miser and save everything! :)

Before I tuck myself into bed, I will watch the first episode of Tokyo Ghost Trip and decide if it is worth the watch.

2010-01-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is Applications Day! I must finish ALL my applications tomorrow! :)

Work

2010-01-15T21:16:00.005+08:00

Early mornings, faraway place, long hours, tired feet...

2 days, and I'm already exhausted.

Pretty eventful though, literally. Everyday is jammed pack with events and I'm hardly in the office. When I'm in the office, I'm stoning because I've no tasks at hand and I'm still rather apprehensive about everything. I really hate it when everyone's busy doing something and I'm doing nothing! Sucky, empty feeling. But I predict that my stoning sessions will start to shorten drastically from now on because I can finally access the computer and I still have uncleared work which I gotta finish on Monday. Ahh :(

Also, I got to witness policies that I kept reading in the papers and studying during Econs that are really executed in real life. Pretty awesome. Today, I also realised that I'm really much better off than others in terms of educational levels, confidence, opportunites etc. But I always had the mentality that there are so many others better than me (i.e. I'm lousy) because of the large exposure to elite schools thereby bringing about fierce comparisons. In actual fact, we're only competing for the top spots, but many others are still struggling below us, even with the average jobs. Yet, they are able to pick up the courage despite age differences, to take up new skills so that they can be effectively rechannelled into a new industry, or to move up to a post with higher value so that they can command higher salaries, improving their lives altogether. These average men are really worthy of my respect. I sometimes belittle what some workshops can do for me, but it seems to be worthed a million to the layman. What seems natural to me may seem difficult to them. So, I'm really much better off after all. I should stop complaining and cherish the valuable opportunities I'm accorded with! :) POSITIVE THINKING!

On another note, my colleagues are really nice so far, and I just need to rewire my channel a little bit to suit them. I must stop looking bored or aloof too!!!! That will really scare people away :( Plus I'm still confused over who is who, because I still haven't got to meet everyone, and I'm often thrown into random events. So basically I'll just shadow the staff if I do attend events. If not, I'm in the office doing admin work.

I don't really know how this 6 months will turn out to be. I hope this stint will be a truly fulfilling one, so after 6 months, I will move onto university with valuable life experiences.

For now, it's TGIF! :) Congrats to Shi Ning on securing a job today!!! If you just relax for a day, you will get employed.

Goodbye Frictional Unemployment!

2010-01-13T15:41:00.001+08:00

I'M EMPLOYED :)

어떡하죠

2010-01-12T23:08:00.004+08:00

It's really hard to get a job (that I like) now because I'm facing "greater competition from the whole A Level cohort and also the NS guys who are just released". Hell yeah.

I should stop being picky, huh.

Today I rejected this job that required me to do 2 adhoc events. Why? Females and our never-ending 'what-ifs?'. What if I get the job tomorrow after my interview? What if I cannot make it on those dates because I'm working then? I know very well that I'm suffering from the 'what-if' syndrome, but I just cannot rid myself of this desperate situation and I'm afraid of commitment. Ahh.

Anyway I think my SMS is going to 爆 BOOM this month because I've been messaging non-stop these few days/last week, to the extent that I tell others, 'I'm not going to sms you anymore because my sms is going to explode. Let's just talk online later.' FYI, I only have 1000 free messages per month, unlike some others who have unlimited number of messages to spam. This is only ideal for lovebirds who SMS each other non-stop everyday, or those who 守着 their phones 24/7 and their messages are as short as ever, like 'Haha.' What a waste of text space, srsly. LET'S JUST TALK ONLINE!!! Plus I'm a lazy person and I tend not to reply messages when I feel that the conversation has become stale. There's always a limit to everything! I really don't understand why some can go on with literally small talk via SMS forever and ever. It gets boring, doesn't it?

I just sent a few more messages. NO MESSAGING FOR ME TOMORROW!!!!!!

Shi Ning and I were counting our CPF contributions today. I think it's 14.5% of one's salary (salary is between $750 to $1200) plus a lot more money that I don't understand. But if I earn $1200 per month, Shi Ning says I will only get about $798, all thanks to CPF. So little for slogging so much!!! But under all this lamenting, I think we will tend to see CPF's greatness in the future when we become ill and have to face exorbitant medical fees, and will be thankful that we actually saved so much over the past few decades. 未雨绸缪!

Wait, I don't even have a job yet.

Fret

2010-01-10T17:45:00.002+08:00

XAVIER PLEASE CALL ME TOMORROW AND TELL ME THAT I AM HIRED :(

This desperate feeling has almost driven me up the wall. Now I just feel like taking up any temporary retail sales job or cashier job that lasts for a few weeks till CNY while waiting for a golden opportunity to knock on my door. At least I get to earn some money first, albeit not a lot, and this beats doing nothing at home hands down.

Realise that the morale of the story is Patience is virtue.

Who knew life after A's would be this arduous? Worrying about so many things like being shortlisted for the applications sent and jobs... I miss studying. At least I had an aim in my life.

Meanwhile, I should continue my Korean lessons and at least try to remember the vowels and consonants and how they sound like. Super tough imo!!! Persevere!!!

Unemployment

2010-01-08T00:12:00.004+08:00

Yes, it really sucks being unemployed and jumping at every job opportunity because of sheer desperateness. This feeling worsens when you learn that MORE people around you are getting employed, reminding you that you are still stuck in the dreadful job searching process :(

I hate to check my emails these days. Because I know that most of the time there are no new emails from anywhere. It is precisely because I'm anticipating emails that's why I hate checking my email now. Does this make sense? For fear of disappointment, maybe?

I also hate it when my phone vibrates these days. I hate it when my phone vibrates because if it vibrates for 3 times it means a message. And most of the time it's just a message. Oh crap. I hate it even more when it vibrates non-stop (this means an incoming call), and it's from an unknown number beginning with '6', and I don't feel the vibration and I don't pick up the call! When I try calling back, the number is typically engaged. Okay but I do admit that I love picking up calls from unknown numbers starting with a '6' these days because it signifies hope!!!!! :')

Tomorrow is another day of hope. AND MORE SOURCING FROM THE NET AND CLASSIFIED ADS. ARGH. I'm just so temperamental.

Tomorrow
I must make sure I devote some time to studying E Math and preparing lesson materials
I must make sure I pick up EVERY SINGLE CALL *pray hope pray hope pray hope*
I must make sure I wake up early at about 7AM to prepare for Econs
I must make sure I ask Shining if we are going random hunting again
I must make sure I read the newspaper, especially CLASSIFIED
I must make sure I do not travel a lot (I spent $6 - 7 just on travelling today. Wtf)

Anyway I must stop emoting over the fact that I have not received any news from some people. If there is no rejection letter sent, that means I still stand a chance? To self: You are only 18, at the crossroads of life. You don't know what you want and what you can commit to for a few decades. If this is not your cup of tea, then something else must be. Elsewhere, there is something better for you. There are uncharted paths to venture into, new doors to open, solutions to problems. Okay so stop feeling dejected! *Can't help it* THESE WILL ALL NOT MATTER 10 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD

Travel

2010-01-06T18:50:00.003+08:00

I must avoid travelling these days because travelling is not cheap at all, even if I travel via public transport. Maybe it's because I'm so used to 45cent fares for both bus and MRT trips. Have been getting that kind of concession for almost 12 years of my life, the first 6 being free because I was still under 1.2m. Today I made a (wasted) trip to Raffles Place and back. I think I spent $3 in total taking the MRT alone :( Plus I don't even have a job yet. Sobs.

Job

2010-01-06T12:57:00.003+08:00

I'm currently on a frantic job-searching spree. My short-term goal for the week is to find and confirm a job, so that I can finally stop my income deficit and stop rotting at home. Ahhhh!!!

Before 12AM

2009-12-31T23:47:00.003+08:00

2009 was more or less a disastrous year for me, as it is for many others.

The Good
1. SYF Gold with Honours
Mismatched schedules, poor attendance, late-night tiring practices, lack of confidence are synonymous with SYF this year. After much deliberation, we decided to actually enter SYF and compete for the coveted award. I think it was a highly intense period of time for me, not sure about the others though. I felt so much more unprepared than I ever was, and was much more stressed out as compared to A Levels. We fought (but not too well) and won, thankfully. We were able to hold on to our reputation, continue the legacy, and create a new starting point for DHSSHCO.

2. Malaysia Trip
Hmmm, the only overseas trip I made this year. It was with CO. A rather spooky experience at the hotel, but overall it was still quite an enjoyable trip. The experience of going on a trip as a senior really differs from being a junior, being under the wing of care of seniors. Still, it's good to be a senior, free from the routine of practices, and able to crash events for free. Hahaha.

3. Breakthrough in results
I seriously achieved a breakthrough in results this year, especially during CTs (AAAAB) It's like the kind of A Level results I would like to achieve! HAHA. Kind of unexpected because the papers didn't feel fabulous at all. And I also felt rather unprepared, as if I didn't study for the papers at all. Plus Mighty Migraine attacked during CTs and I had to battle it using my miraculous orange painkiller. CTs were such a blur to me, so the results felt really tyco. I fared slightly worse for Prelims though, and went downhill for A Levels. Sucks.

4. A Levels are FINALLY over!!! :)
Yeah, this is it. What I have been slogging for for the past 12 years. All culminating in this one examination, which I don't think I peaked at. Lol@myself. A Levels were bad...more below.

The Bad
1. Bad Health
OMG @ Migraine and Tinnitus. I think 2009 was an epic year because I made the most number of trips to the hospital in my entire life. I think it was during the SYF period when Mightly Migraine first attacked...followed by Tinnitus on my birthday. It was a pretty depressing period of time this year, because I kept thinking I had a brain tumour (something like acoustic neuroma) The migraine and tinnitus were disturbing, and I seeked many treatments for them, like ending up in A&E, seeking TCM treatment and doing acupuncture. But thank God for my friends who showed concern for me. I don't know how I came out from that dark period of my life, which I kept sleeping and emoing haha. But I did. They are still disturbing now, but less so because I'm more used to them being around :)

Also, I made an uncountable number of trips to the hospital for my dad who is in poor health now. So many valuable lessons learnt this year. I will always remember the skull guy (some will know of him) and constantly think and pray for him. When my life is bad, I will be thankful that it is not worse, and that some other person out there is leading a worse life than me, and that I'm already lucky for everything I have, even though it's not a lot as compared to other luckier people. :)

Very important conclusion at the end of 2009: Health is the most important asset in my life.

2. A Levels
Which were bad? GP, Econs, Chem. I'm not too sure about CSC. I will never forget how I felt after the traumatising Econs paper, even though the feeling feels very distant now. Just pray that all goes well now, and in March. At least they are all over now :) And I can rest my overstretched brain muscles.

Overall
I think 2009 was the year I felt the most lonely and scared in my whole life. I don't know. They are really scary feelings. I feel so much more pessimistic now than ever. And also anti-social. But 2009 also catalysed my maturing process. It's not exactly a good thing given that I'm given an earlier dosage of reality, but at least I'm all geared up for future setbacks, and even more pessimism. There aren't more 'Bad' events than 'Good' events that I listed, but the 'Bad' events just felt so much worse than the 'Good' events. I think they evoked more crazy emotions than the 'Good' events, and that they lasted for much longer periods in 2009, which made it such a bad year for me.

Well, at least 2009 is over. Phew.

As of 2009, I'm still frictionally unemployed, and is frantically sending out my resumes in the first hour of 2010. The last day of 2009 was actually quite a random day for me and I went out with really random people. Hahaha! Okay I'm so tired now shall send a few more resumes and go into dreamland later :)

Blood

2009-12-30T22:08:00.002+08:00

The punctured site on my arm is still bleeding, and there is a small discoloration nearby :( I shall remove the bandage to check it out again later.

I'm so sleepy now :'(

The mozzies aren't really doing much help by sucking my blood now. So I'm freaking itchy everywhere argh D:

What Happened?

2009-12-21T01:21:00.003+08:00

Well, I ought to do something with my no-go life. :'( Haven't been doing anything constructive lately, not even watching dramas, not to say find a job. My drama watchlist done during A's has been woefully abandoned. Strangely, I'm not quite in the mood for any dramas now. I've been quite hooked onto playing Pokemon lately though. Everyday when I'm free I'll be playing Pokemon...except for now, because I'm quite sick of it since I'm already on my way to Victory Road v^.^v HAHA. Shall quickly finish my entire journey and do something with my pathetic life!

What to do now?
1. Learn how to do a resume, and do a resume
2. Source for jobs and earn money $$
3. Go to Intl Plaza. Maybe tomorrow, i.e. later?
4. Find more scholarship options :( And apply for them.
5. Do my Econs summary notes very very soon T.T
6. Pack my room!!! Messy as hell. Maybe later?
7. Wait patiently for everyone to come back from their holidays
8. Donate blood again after the 27th
9. Exercise
10. Read James Patterson's :)
11. Find volunteer opportunities
12. Pray, hope and believe

Why did the days and weeks pass so quickly?! Life after A's has been so boring, precisely because I have had nothing much to do. I should also stop sleeping at such insane hours (it's close to 2AM now), and waking up in the late morning.

In a few days' time, approximately 10 days actually, I can sum up this whole F-ed up year. :)

Wretched Life

2009-12-16T23:15:00.003+08:00

My head's so F-ed up now!!!

2 days ago, I woke up in the morning and made a phone call on my bed. Then I leaned backwards instinctively, stupidly forgetting that there was a huge slab of concrete wall right behind me. BANG. The back of my head collided with the wall. The impact was large imo, probably the largest I've experienced in my whole life of bad accidents. I was highly distraught after the incident, putting an ice pack behind my head and constantly rubbing it. I was freaking scared that my skull was fractured or broken, and that my brain will get a bacterial infection and will swell. Or that I will die in my sleep!!! (I read these off the net) Think skull-boy. :(

It felt sore and slightly painful for the rest of the day. I think it was partially my own fragment of imagination?

Thankfully, my skull is intact, and so is my brain till this day.

Yet, I have been getting disturbing hints of migraine these few days. Maybe I'm too exhausted from camping at the hospital these few days. Argh FML seriously. Now I really miss lazing around at home :( I need to sleep!!!!! Like for 10 - 12 hours!!!! (And I have not finished YAB. I'm still at Ep13?! Epic fail.)

In hindsight, I hope I'll never get into an accident that will render me with a broken skull or somewhat paralysed somewhere :( If my life does come to this turning point someday, I think I will sign the AMD to end my misery.

Life is so fragile; we must all treasure it before anything unfortunate happens. Actually my life is sooooo much better than tons of people out there now. It's just that I always victimise myself in view of my current situation. In comparison, I'm already better off than many. Many would kill for my (boring) life.

On a lighter note, back to my Pokemon game now!!!!! Gonna catch some Pokemon at the Safari Zone now :)

Packing

2009-12-13T12:11:00.004+08:00

I have reached a deadlock after days of playing Pokemon Emerald (LOLZ!!). I can't freaking find the Mirage Tower in the desert, even after talking to the ruins maniac. So damn annoying!!!

Anyway, I'm packing my room now. I'm FINALLY packing it after leaving it status quo, or even messier, for more than 2 weeks. Actually, my CSC notes are still in my school bag now. After I came home from CSC, which was on 1 Dec, I just dumped my bag in my room and went to use the computer. But I realised that I can't bear to throw all my notes away, i.e. lecture notes, tests, assignments. What if I need them next year, for retaking?!?!. Touchwood though. I will one day just throw all my notes into the recycling bin, without even sorting them out. When will that day be?

But I'm going to throw away thick foolscap pads of exercises from doing TYS and papers, and also some of my Year 5 Econs stuff. Think they are rather irrelevant and messy!!! Shall keep the important ones for easy facilitation of tuition - ahh!!!

Actually, I'm so glad that I'm finally free from the horrors of doing GP. A big 'HAHAHA' to the future generations doing GP plus the rest of the subjects. Your lives are going to be much harder than us due to academic inflation, as evident in Econs, GP and Chem P1 this year. Should I throw my GP notes into the recycling bin? I'll definitely be keeping SOT's. :)

Bad Mood

2009-12-08T23:45:00.002+08:00

I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now. It's a mixture of emptiness, aimlessness and hopelessness.

Whirlwind of a Day

2009-12-07T21:04:00.002+08:00

Today I really rid myself of boredom. In fact, I had a crazy whirlwind of a day... Sigh everything that happened today completely made my shallow troubles truly shallow. Felicia, what are the true most important things in life? You need to prioritise and kill anything unimportant. And now I'm struggling to remember everything on my script. Okay I hope I have great fun tomorrow!!! :)

Note to self

2009-12-06T01:06:00.002+08:00

It's just all a passing fad. 10 years later, you will be lambasting the silly thoughts you once had. You just need to get through this phase to expand your comfort zone. You can do this!!! Nothing like this will matter in the future. Not at all.

Clumsy

2009-12-05T16:37:00.005+08:00

I accidentally added coffee to my udon with miso soup just now!!!! Oh my...

It didn't turn out horrible though, in terms of taste. And I have not gotten a diarrhoea (yet).

Life is boring

2009-12-04T22:46:00.003+08:00

If I could summarise life after A's in one word, it would be...

BORING.

Reasons why life now is boring:
1. I have been slacking and sleeping sufficiently during A's, which makes slacking seem so...undesirable now. Yes, it's very undesirable when you have too much of something. Ahh, I kind of miss studying. At least I have something to focus on, even though it's much more undesirable than slacking.
2. I HAVE A FREAKING DIFFICULT PRESENTATION TOPIC WHICH I STILL HAVE 0 IDEAS FOR. I NEED GOD, BUDDHA, ALLAH, WHATEVER SUPREME ENTITY TO SAVE ME!!!!! Like, predict the future for me or something? It's freaking 3 days away oh my gosh. Why is Tong not replying my message!!! :( I'm just going to 上吊自杀 soon.
3. Worrying aside, I can't use the computer too much and for long hours because it makes my head hurt and throb like crazy (Migraine Ahoy!) I'm only at YAB episode 13. Slow progress given my drama-watching capabilities.
4. I have nothing to do on the computer except watching dramas. I just simply can't get the hang of playing annoying games!!!! I JUST WASN'T BORN WITH THE RIGHT GENES TO DO SO!!! I'm just going to abandon my Neopets account. Embrace Pokemon!!!
5. I'm frictionally unemployed.
6. My schedule is practically empty because of, busy people?! HOW BUSY IS EVERYONE NOW!!! When A's are already over?!

Well, I'm so distraught now. I'm going to pull my hair out!!!! And run amok and scream like crazy!!!! *faints*

Oh Singapore, Singapore, why are you so smart, and quick like a speedboat? You keep up with times so damn well that you have practically have all the future industries of growth within your grasp as your current and future strategies. If so, how can an 18 year-old person like me who has just managed to scrape A's with limited knowledge and abilities be able to suggest a new BOOMZ industry?

If nothing comes to my head tomorrow, I'll just stick my guts out and go ahead with my planned industry. So terribly SHINGZ.

ps. Thanks to all those I've terrorised these two days regarding the question!

2009-12-04T18:20:00.002+08:00

> : (

I swear my head is going to explode now from the long hours of watching YAB, and also from the presentation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH WTH :( :( :( Shall go live in self-denial now.

2009-12-03T11:42:00.003+08:00

Wooooo I'm shortlisted for the second round :) :) :) That means more preparation!!!!!! And it's real preparation! Gotta do up an individual presentation. It's like a simulation of our beloved PW. Argh :( Can't maximise my slack life to the fullest now. Okay but I shall continue watching YAB now. Promise I will start doing my presentation later!!!

Anyway, I really suck at playing computer games!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T EVEN PLAY THE GAMES ON NEOPETS. Just get owned by all the games. Omg :( Why!

Ta!!!!!

2009-12-02T20:51:00.006+08:00

Ayeeeeeeee I love Tae Kyung and Jeremy <3 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Source: Dramabeans

:')

2009-12-01T20:46:00.004+08:00

LIBERATED!

2009-11-30T15:35:00.002+08:00

1 day to complete liberation, and obtaining a guilt-free license to slack!!!

Meanwhile, I'm really feeling quite screwed for my last paper. I can't remember anything now; nothing is in my head, and I'm not really doing anything to salvage the bad situation. Ahh FML! Time to get back to studying :(

2009-11-28T22:45:00.002+08:00

Today was such a slack day!!! :(

I woke up in the morning close to 10am. Then I went downstairs to drink Milo, not forgetting to watch 与敌同行 until about 11am. (Side note: OMG 与敌同行 is so so so good! Must watch after A's!!!) Then I went upstairs to study, err I mean read my CSC notes. As usual, I felt so distracted. Most of the time I would only read a few lines and try to register what I just read. Then I will stone, stare into blank space, check my phone, think of something else...until I finally remember that I'm reading my notes =.= This vicious cycle occurs for another 30 - 45 minutes, until my mom called me to cook lunch for my dad. So I went down to cook lunch, and ended up cooking lunch for myself too. Then I continued watching TV until 1pm or so, and went back upstairs to "read" my notes. I think it was about 3pm when I went downstairs again, and watched A Star's Lover until 6pm!!! Omg I'm really super good at this...

OKAY I shall go read Monocle now and watch Kpop MVs on Youtube :)

SO EXCITED FOR TUESDAY TO COME!!! :) I can kiss all my notes goodbye then :) And slack fully without a single hint of guilt :)

2009-11-28T00:14:00.002+08:00

:')

You're Beautiful is finally over!!! Ends my many weeks of chasing the recaps, before A's started to now, whereby A's are gonna end in approximately 3 days' time! Freaking awesome show with super good eye candy. Jang Geun Suk is way way cool and Lee Hong Ki is super cute! :') Okay I haven't watched the show yet except for episode 1, but I read all the recaps and felt so exhilarated. Really love their fictional band A.N. JELL and the songs they sang in the show :') Can't help watching fanvids now at their last mini concert and for BTS. Super damn nice and super damn funny! Anyway I really think Lee Hong Ki (FT Island) can sing damn well!!! And he's only 19. How awesome is that! Cute and talented :') Can't wait to watch it all after A's :) And buy the DVD so I can watch it HD ;D

I'm quite screwed for CSC imo. Sigh. Just keep getting so distracted reading my notes everyday. The days are passing so quickly! And my progress has slowed down significantly everyday. Nothing has been committed to memory yet. Plus I keep forgetting that I'm still in the midst of A's! It felt like more than a week has passed since Chem, and that A's are really over for me. Fat hope. Truth is, I still have 3 big fat essays waiting for me!!! Argh this makes me so crazy now. I also need to read Monocle in preparation for Wednesday. I better buck up and stop my fangirlism =.=

Still, IT'S 3 FREAKING DAYS TO THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The liberating moment I have been waiting for these 2 years :)

我的天啊

2009-11-25T15:47:00.004+08:00

郁闷

经过两天残忍的决斗，我真的败给了我的 CSC notes。什么家庭联产承包责任制、国企改革、乡镇企业，长篇大论的资料真得让我感到好烦呀！！！一，我看资料很容易分神；二，我看来看去也是看不懂；三，我看资料的速度如蜗牛。这样下去，下个星期二考试一定惨败。更不要说到中国留学四年。还要修经济科！真是不切实际。

别说了，还是回去继续与资料奋斗！！！

2009-11-24T22:09:00.003+08:00

My face is so itchy now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it's the new pimple cream I bought :(

Anyway studying CSC is the worst thing ever... :(

I'm only reading through my notes and this already took me forever and I always feel so distracted. I either went to eat, to use the computer (like now) or to sleep. Maybe it's because I'm reading politics today? But to tell the truth, I really had a hard time scrutinising the notes. The font is so small and made me feel like I'm swimming in a sea of Chinese words. Help!!! This really makes me reconsider whether to study in China or not. I'm always so fickle.

HK or no HK???? I better decide soon!!! :( It's so appealing though.

2009-11-23T22:08:00.006+08:00

Chem = 失败
Econs = 惨败

真的？？？
假的？？？

不要说我骗人。明年2010年3月我们就知道了！既兴奋又紧张，真是矛盾。哈哈。希望一切顺利，能如我所愿。

下个星期二考（最后一天）考我最“喜欢”的中国通识，但是我还没开始读呢，现在还在上网谈天。等一下就要去整理我那堆积如山的CSC资料。明天开始要跟我的extra notes奋斗到底！！！我要抱着积极的态度面对它们~ 加油大家！多一个考试我们就能享受四个月的自由~ 可以看连续剧看到爽~ 好开心 :) :) :) 四个月后，我们与我们的成绩单有约。但是现在感觉好轻松（但我从很久以前就开始感到轻松了！）因为只有CSC剩。^-^

爽

2009-11-21T18:25:00.002+08:00

I'M SERIOUSLY DAMN GOOD AT PROCRASTINATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning I woke up and I watched 与敌同行 on Channel 55 for more than 3 hours. It's really super awesome and addictive, plus Channel 55 was airing it continuously for hours. So I couldn't curb the temptation of watching. Ahh. I predict it will be the exact same situation tomorrow morning when I watch 少年四大名捕 oh nooooooooooo :( I'm seriously going to spam HK and K dramas after A's!!! Shall create a drama watchlist later :) And in the afternoon I wasted 3 hours at the mall again. Omg I'm really.......dead shit. 2 papers left!!!!! I seriously need to salvage Chem on Monday!!! Yet I'm already in a holiday mode! Must study like crazy into the night later :( 加油加油加油！Okay I shall go and spam Chem MCQs now or else I'll be fried pancake on Monday.

2009-11-18T17:51:00.002+08:00

I just had the ultimate horrendous paper in my whole life. Never seen such an Econs paper before. I just totally screwed up ): ): ): Even the supposed easier question relative to the other questions. Goodbye my A grade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So much for working so hard. It all comes down to nothing. And it all means nothing. All I can do is to pray like crazy now.

2009-11-17T21:20:00.002+08:00

Today was bad bad bad I FFFFing screwed up the paper :( :( :( :( That's like how many percent gone?!

Should have studied that set of Fing notes more comprehensively. I totally paid the price.

At this point in time I only have two thoughts:
1. If I do badly, what should I do? Go join the Design industry? (it is boomzing) Study some kuku major in Singapore? Retake? I really hate the retake option because I'm freaking burnt out and I don't want this cycle to repeat again and it's a damn waste of $$$$
2. I shouldn't brood over it and I should be working hard for Econs and damn-shit-F CSC which are my 2 papers tomorrow. Argh.

Econs essay tomorrow is scary!!! IF I SURVIVE TOMORROW I'M A HERO. It will be over soon ahhh!!

End of Week 1 Review

2009-11-14T01:06:00.003+08:00

OK I'm really awesome at procrastinating ahhhhhhh

ANYWAY, I'm so glad that the first week of A's are over! It didn't really feel like anything though. Just felt like some normal exam and it wasn't that freaky after all. To think a year ago I was feeling highly disturbed and jittery picturing myself taking A's for real. I think I can make a short review on the first week of A's now!

My first paper was Math P1, an afternoon paper, which went okay for me except functions. Goodbye 8 marks!!! I spent about 15 minutes trying to crack my head for a solution but to no avail. So I decided it was more productive to check my answers rather than to solve a near-impossible question. Initially, I couldn't solve the first question, so I skipped it. Then I made some errors in Q2 and I skipped it again!!! Y'know that kind of panicky feeling. I literally had this "OMG I'M SO DEAD!!!!" thought in my head. Q3 was the first question I really knew how to solve. Uh then Q4, the functions question, made me go =.= once again and I skipped it again. That really dampened my morale for a start. Fortunately the back questions were manageable. I think I lost some marks here and there though. But that's alright I guess! :)

The second paper was GP which was the ultimate paper of my life. Seriously. It's the WORST and most DREADED paper of all. And it was a morning paper at an unearthly 8AM. I had to crawl out of bed at about 5.30AM for 3 consecutive days because I had 8AM papers for the two subsequent days. Anyway, that morning I had a stomachache before the ultimate paper, and that started my series of crazy morning sickness which lasted for a few solid days (it was so bad this morning). The paper was.............I don't know. When I flipped P1 over, I was just like O_O. I took quite long to decide which question to pick, and I think I didn't pick the right/better question that could better display my abilities. Compre didn't go very well either. I think I didn't do well.

Chem P3 for the third day. Before I left home, I really felt like puking when I was eating a small portion of breakfast. My stomach didn't feel very well that morning. I missed the earlier 158 bus despite an almost-successful attempt to catch the bus =.= When the bus reached school and I alighted, I really really really felt like puking and I think I almost did. It was about 7.40AM then? I rushed to the toilet to relieve myself and was feeling rather unwell before I entered the exam hall. Thankfully, no puking/weird churning in stomach during the exam. Chem P3 was still alright for me. I think I lost a few small and not-so-small marks here and there which can amount to BIG marks. :( Who knows!

MATH P2 TODAY! (FRIDAY) I'm so glad that Math is finally over because I really H8H8H8H8 STATS especially P&C and probability. The probability of me getting such questions wrong is greater than 0.5 and that's not a very nice feeling!!! So I'm really happy that they are out of my life forever, banished to the realms of hell! :) Okay but the morning didn't go well for me today! I rushed to catch the 158 bus today and was literally running for my life. I almost puked before I reached the bus stop. Then I really felt so horrible when I was on the bus and even just before the exam!!! :( My body is really awesome, I swear. Weirdly, I was very focused for today's exam. I reckon it's because I didn't feel very well right before the exam and wasn't in the mood for chatter with anyone, not to say harbour feelings of fear and anxiety. What an irony. Anyway I thought the paper was alright too, but I lost a few marks here and there. I'm so glad that I didn't lose many marks for P&C which I just solved using tons of courage and gut, and that probability was easy and not confusing because it was probability tree and not stupid scenarios which I ABHOR TO THE MAX.

After Math I finally went to see the doctor. I don't know what's the doctor's diagnosis but I just have medication. Now I'm feeling awesome again! :) I hope I don't feel like crap before the morning exams next week. Now it's time for sleep and more chionging tomorrow :( It will be over soon. 6 papers! AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!

2009-11-09T21:25:00.003+08:00

I REALLY THINK IT'S TIME FOR HIATUS

Till 1 December 2009!

I hope time will pass fast so that my papers can all fly pass :D Especially GP!!! :( I just need to be extra careful this Wednesday. I hope that I will do well and that our cohort will own other schools :D May all go well!

Goodbye blog! But I will still use the computer to read my emails, to surf Zaobao and catch the You're Beautiful recaps during the weekends. GOODBYE FOR NOW!!!!!

2009-11-06T00:00:00.010+08:00

CHECK OUT MY NEWEST ADDICTION!

The Beatles...?

Sort of a singing sensation which I'm highly hooked to =.=

Jang Geun Suk really portrays the character well. I think it's his natural looks? Pretty boy type and carries the sneer around. I found him so insanely familiar and then I realised that he was on Hong Gil Dong and was so awesome. I thought he was damn good looking in there!!!

Then again, Park Shin Hye (edit: WTH SHE'S ONLY 19!) really reminds me of Yoon Eun Hye in this show and I really cannot rid myself of perpetual thoughts of such striking resemblence. I also think that Lee Hong Ki (edit: AND HE'S ONLY 19!!!) is super cute too!!! In all, the characters are great and it will definitely work out for me (instead of Style - it almost killed me). Omg the stars are so young and it really makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life going crazy about A's.

AFTER A'S AFTER A'S AFTER A'S!!!!!! :)
I will also get the DVD when it's out in the market for collection because it's simply awesome. I have only watched the first episode and it was so amusing for me.

But I have already read all the episode guides when it was "break" time and decided that this show is worthwhile. :) I will look forward to tomorrow afternoon because I can update myself with the latest episode :)

Okay I better attempt to salvage CSC now. I'm darn scared for GP anyway!!!!!!!!!!! *cross fingers and pray like hell* AHHHHHHH. I'm mired in a mixed state of delirium and calmness. It's extremely ridiculous. (I RHYME!) I can't wait for it to start and end!!!! BTW what should I eat tomorrow? I'm so frustrated because I don't know what to eat and I don't know why Chinese websites like to open every single link in a new tab! SO ANNOYING :(

2009-11-03T12:08:00.002+08:00

I have spent

8 x 365 x 18 = 52560 hours sleeping

and that is

52560 / (18 x 365 x 24) = 1/3 of my life

which is also 6 years of my life

So I have spent 6 years of my life sleeping

and will spend more in the time to come.

2009-11-02T23:37:00.002+08:00

I NEED A MIRACLE
I REALLY NEED A MIRACLE
I REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED A MIRACLE

FOR GP NEXT WEDNESDAY

I started panicking yesterday and this morning when I freaked out while doing Chem MCQ
WHO SAYS 'A' CHEM IS EASY HUH
Go eat your own shit

Anyway, I really 想通了. It doesn't matter THAT much if I don't score the desired results for A's. Life will not end like that. It will only become harder, and I'm sure I'll find a way out of it. Yet such a revelation has somehow caused me to lose steam (bad), slack (bad), lose motivation (bad) and feel less stress (good). I'm really just going to 抱着"平时如战时,战时如平时" mentality and enter the exam hall. I really hope it will work out. But actually my "平时" is not really going at full force now. So awesome huh. Okay I need a miracle lah seriously!!!!!!!! Prelim results and CTs are seriously not a good reflection of A Levels so everyone should stop being complacent and fawn over how well they did for the two exams. Oh my god okay I'm really going bonkers.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy?

2009-10-29T23:47:00.002+08:00

I had such a horrendous dream about A Levels two nights ago. I dreamt that I woke up late for my first paper, which was Math and it was in the morning and stipulated to start at 8.45AM. 8.50AM, and I was still at home for I-dunno-what-reason! Eh, actually I think I woke up late? Then for some inexplicable reason, Anfy appeared in my dream and was telling us the important points for our CSC exam. I think it was because the email she recently sent us had a large impact on me. Specifically, guilt and insecurity. This was then that I realised that I had CSC paper later in the afternoon which I didn't even know and I didn't freaking study for it at all. (!!!!)

Fortunately, the dream ended when I woke up, or else I would have died of a heart attack in my sleep.

But seriously, come to think of it, this dream does reflect my actual fears for A Levels - waking up late and CSC (& GP) which I have not touched at all. When I sleep, I'm like a dead log. Thus I often oversleep due to my greedy sleeping habits, and am often late for things ranging from PW meetings, outings to even consultations. I really need to drill the importance of time into my head. DRILL DRILL DRILL ! Especially since A Levels start at 8AM and I need to struggle with the inefficient bus systems..... :(

Stop Drinking My Blood!

2009-10-29T00:06:00.004+08:00

Today was an unproductive day. I really abhor unproductive days because they give me a high sense of guilt and it makes my brain feel super empty :( Other than suffering from seemingly endless mosquito bites (Was it the green tea I drank?), feeling more demoralised and screwed upzxzx for GP, watching Singapore Idol and rushing through my applications, I didn't do anything much. Stupid mozzies please stop drinking my unsweet blood because I'm really dying from itch. Later I will seek solace in my cream. I must also be more determined to finish all my applications by this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( Stop procrastinating!!!!!!!

What's Killing Me?

2009-10-23T21:45:00.006+08:00

Applications, applications and more applications are killing me!
Studying and practising questions crazily are killing me!
Worrying about GP is killing me!
Feeling anxious over Econs is killing me!
Tension is killing me!
Decisions are killing me!
My neck ache is killing me!
My blocked nose is killing me!
My sore throat is killing me!
The long wait to culmination is killing me!

忍!

我去K书了!!!

For my own consumption

2009-10-22T22:10:00.002+08:00

Motivational watchlist after A's: Smile, You're Beautiful, Iris
AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!

Anyway I think I'm really falling sick ugh :( Blocked nose, blocked ear (sometimes) and tinnitus. Better spam more barley drink tomorrow!!! Thankfully there's no migraine :)

2009-10-22T00:01:00.002+08:00

Hungry for durians and dim sum and black sesame paste and cakeeeeeee! (I really hate the ugly cake from nydc and the fudge cake from Marche now :( they really killed my love for cakes momentarily) So damn tired now and I've to wake up early tomorrow for lecture and consultation :( It doesn't feel like A's are really coming; I'm just stuck in a trance every now and then. And also highly stifled by the heat!!! But then again, if we really think things through, A's are no big deal? I'm in the shoes of myself 10 years down the road. Who cares about what I got for GP? Seriously, no one. STILL, I need to remind myself that A's are EVERYTHING now because I have nothing else (lol) and it's probably one of my most important tickets out of hell. If I fail to get out of hell, I better hop onto another train, which I have no plans for yet. Anyway, today was another turning point of my life because life at home has pretty much changed today. I need to adapt and get on with my life!!!! I will seek solace in the fact that I'm really, 41 days or so away from real liberation. It's verified.

ABCDEF

2009-10-20T23:03:00.002+08:00

A Levels
Beida
C*****************************************_|_
Dim Sum
Econs
Fudan

2009-10-19T16:04:00.003+08:00

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME X100000 SONG + ACAPELLA FROM DBSK
AND THEY CAN SPEAK/SING JAPANESE (AND SOUND SUPER AWESOME)

(Yeah I spent like 30 minutes listening to these on Youtube)

Back to mugging Econs!!!! :( I must stop feeling slack :(

The Maturing Catalyst

2009-10-15T23:38:00.004+08:00

Do you know who you really are? Or are you just faking it?

Sleep

2009-10-13T23:33:00.002+08:00

Ugh. I was so tired today when I got home in the afternoon that I couldn't resist the temptation of taking a nap. All because of photo-taking! If not, I would have gone home at 11.45AM and slept till early afternoon. So when I got home today, I napped for 2 hours and woke up at 7.15 PM!!!!! :( Ultimate sinzzzzz. Then I couldn't concentrate on Math so I went to eat -_- So now I'm wide awake and I took way way way more than 45 minutes to do (a not yet completed) Econs essay. FML. I really need to find ways to increase my productivity. At this rate I'm going, it's equivalent to shredding my hectic study schedule. This is seriously not looking good, especially when A's are around the corner. When I say corner, I really mean corner i.e. 3-4 weeks! But I love thinking about how all these is going to end so soon, probably in about 1.75 months' time. Awesome :D 12 years of studying I-don't-know-what culminating on 1 December 2009, even though that marks the start of another crazy life which I'll come to despise so badly. I don't know what I'm going to do after A's; I'll probably create an exhaustive list of to-dos during my 8 days studying for CSC P2. Till then. :) I shall read the papers now at this unearthly hour!!!

Prelims Reflections

2009-10-11T21:43:00.003+08:00

I'm quite glad that I didn't really do well for prelims this time round (i.e. falling below my own expectations) It was a really bitter feeling especially for some subjects. Boooo. Yet it would definitely serve as a good learning experience and wake-up call. A literal slap in my face. In retrospect, I really did deserve such an ending given the amount of effort I had put in. It was partly due to unexpected matters that cropped up suddenly in the midst of prelims. But I'm still largely to be blamed!!! F I better sleep less now (I sleep at least 7 hours a day wth) and I better go and K my books now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOMZZZZ

2009-10-08T18:55:00.004+08:00

I'M SERIOUSLY GOING BONKERS NOW

2009-10-02T23:54:00.001+08:00

OMG MY FEELINGS ARE REALLY SCARY. THEY OPERATE LIKE WAVELENGTHS

2009-10-02T23:19:00.003+08:00

OMG I SUDDENLY FEEL SO FISHY SCREWED AND SCARED; I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT THIS FEELING. FML

2009-10-01T19:51:00.002+08:00

I just watched an awfully boring korean drama. It totally wasted my time! And this is the first time a Kdrama turned out so boring for me. I should look around before watching next time. Style started off quite well, enough for my liking but as it progressed to the 3rd and 4th episode I was inundated with confusion. I was confused by who was the leads were. I thought Seo Jung was obviously the lead since the drama focused on her at the start. It turned out to be another character which I utterly despised. Hence there was a clear uncertainty in outcome which I couldn't visualise in the midst of watching the drama. I skipped all the way to the end and found out that the outcome was otherwise predicted. It just turned out so terribly wrong and I just had to drop it!!! What a waste of time, seriously.

Okay actually I'm feeling rather lost now, now that I've nothing to do and nothing to watch! Shall go downstairs to watch TV now and lie on the couch :)

2009-09-28T15:26:00.003+08:00

I'm just 1 MCQ paper away from the end of a 3-week torture! :) And saying hello to 5 precious days of slacking! Must fully utilise the upcoming slacking opportunity.

An overview of prelims: Not too good so far. Lack of drive and focus. Extremely panicky during papers especially when I have (many) questions which I'm unsure of. Uh Econs CS today wasn't great too; I left half of a 4 mark question blank because I didn't know how to answer the question! ): And I didn't manage to complete one essay because there was too much content to write and I didn't have sufficient time. Plus Gary told me that my indicator is wrong -_- This lowered my morale severely. And it was completely destroyed after today's CS. Math was bad, but I hope it won't turn out too bad from what I perceive to be 'bad'. Sigh, I shall not mope anymore!!! I'll just need to brace myself for multiple hits next week. Shall not brood over my failure already... I totally deserve it given the amount of hard work I put in.

Yeah anyway I've been off paracetemol for 2 exam days already (including tomorrow, 3) and I totally survived without even getting a slight hint of headache or neckache anywhere. Awesome. I luvvvv the Chinese physician. I really heeded her advice. So it's getting better already but I better monitor my condition closely still! :)

Okay I better go practise some MCQs now and I'll watch the last episode of EFHL later yay!! :) :) Seriously I should restrain my crazy self from watching dramas during exam period because it is highly detrimental to my exam performance and also my mental health. Ugh

2009-09-22T17:26:00.006+08:00

The end seems so far in sight

It's funny thinking about how I used to dread A's a lot. Whenever I thought about sitting for the exams for real, my heart will pound insanely, and I'll be grateful that it's XX years away or XX months away. Now, with barely 50 - 60 days left to the start, I just want to quickly end the pain. I can't imagine 5 more weeks of suffering, plus restlessly prancing around the house after prelims, and probably 3-4 more following weeks of mixed emotions - anxiety, uncertainty and restlessness juxtaposed against anticipation and excitement. By then, I'd most probably be entrenched in a state of delirium, sapped dry of energy.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH even though I may not be in top form nowadays with the incessant pains around my body. Still, it's like finishing a freaking long and enervating race that I've been constantly running for 1 over year! I can't exactly see the end now, but I can feel its presence. It's inching closer and closer to me.

Anyway, I just spent 2 whole solid hours using the computer!!! (And am still using actually) Guilty. But if not, I'd have taken a nap. So there, an opportunity cost. My life seems to be going downhill these days, in all aspects. It's for real and I'm highly non-appreciative of this. FML!! Such a downward spiral is partly, or probably majorly, caused by stress hormones like

Cortisol,

Norepinephrine, let's do organic chem yay!

and several other clashing factors. Ughhhh this feels terrible. Someone needs to teach me how to relax right now. At this very moment!!! >:(

Okay I've decided to ps CSC since I know for a fact that studying like a mad dog for it also does not deliver the A. (You know that?) Yeah. I'll try to smoke my way out this time, and hopefully the stealthiness is cleverly masked. Haha.

Anyway next Friday will be a relaxing treat to look forward to!!! Yay! ;) (THIS IS ONLY A PRELUDE HAHA) High-time I killed my killjoy self. I need a huge hot bowl of soup or a hot bowl of Shin Ramyun right now because it's raining and I'm famished. I like it when it is raining when I'm at home (without my migraines duh) Now it's time to get back to studying Math :( Bad shit.

2009-09-14T13:34:00.003+08:00

~~Goodbye Loony!~~
I can't believe my failing printer with its failing ink levels actually successfully printed 33 pages worth of loony. Actually it printed more than 33 pages because either it printed the wrong stuff or I suddenly found errors in some particular pages. Ugh. Oh well at least it succeeded!!! I now buy Zhiqian's idea of "trusting your printer" even when it seems to be super cui. HAHAHA

I'm going to go loony over new stuffs when prelims officially start for me tomorrow T_T May all go well!

2009-09-13T00:12:00.002+08:00

I'm so damn screwed for prelims - inadequately prepared, highly unmotivated, high marginal propensity to slack and choked full of ennui. I can just kiss everything goodbye. BYEBYE!!!!!! (Unless a miracle happens) I frkn need to be motivated when it's merely 2-3 days away, sh*t

Reality Check

2009-09-06T01:16:00.002+08:00

It just suddenly dawned upon me that I really need to work damn damn damn damn damn hard now because so many people are depending on me :'(

It really sucks to be me

2009-08-27T23:42:00.002+08:00

I'M LIKE, ONE FRICKING STEP CLOSER TO 最后定稿!!!

To a particular perpetual nosey-parker (just to put it nicely)
EAT THAT, AND PLEASE DIGEST WELL, OR ELSE JUST FISH OFF

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO PULL IT OFF WITHIN A FEW MONTHS

!!!!!!!!

OF COURSE, I STILL HAVE SOME EDITING TO DO

BUT MY STUDY SCHEDULE IS STILL IN A MESS - I'M NOT KEEPING TO IT ESPECIALLY FOR MATH (like hello, doing 1 paper takes 3 hours and I don't have the luxury of time to do so!) AND ALSO FOR ECONS (I don't have enough time to revise the whole syllabus again!!! Especially Micro which is extremely technical and has very characteristic of rote-learning. Everything's just flying all over in my head now) I keep watching TV at 9PM because Love Exchange is just so exciting!!! But I just went to read all the spoilers just now so as to prevent myself from watching excessive TV. And I typically clock in at 11.30 PM or so to have my sufficient 7hours of sleep per day. I'M SO SLACK HOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH_WTH_WTH_ I NEED TO BUCK UP!!!

BUT I ALSO NEED TO SLEEP BYEBYE

BTW I ~~LOVE~~ SWOLLEN FISHBALLS BOING BOING BOING

HEADACHE, HEADACHE, HEADACHE

2009-08-23T22:16:00.003+08:00

I'VE QUIT CAFFEINE oh my beloved coffee how I crave for you; there's no close substitute
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING AT LEAST 7 HOURS A DAY well, at least on most days
I'VE NOT BEEN SKIPPING MEALS in fact over-eating due to perpetual hunger

All in vain as Mighty Migraine came
Knocking on my door last Thursday
After using the computer too long for loonywen
Or is it the chocolate I ate last Sunday/today?

(OK I suck at poems but I still rhyme sometimes)

I'll harvest stem cells to create a new brain to be planted in my head!!!! ANNOYING. I think everyone should get migraine it's really unfair that I seem to be the only one stuck with this irritating pesky condition and it ALWAYS comes at the best times - when exams are nearing. DURING CTs I'D A REALLY GOOD SHARE OF MIGRAINE AND AURAL PERCEPTIONS REALLY GOODY GOODY THUMBS UP THUMBS UP. Argh but anyway I need to stay away from stress now especially since exams are around the corner. I don't know how I'm gonna do this but I'll still try to keep a balance. I probably work better when my brain's not clogged up. My life really sucks to the core. *inserts vulgarity* TIME claims that if you hurl vulgarities when you're feeling frustrated, it'll actually do you good.

I REALLY H8 DOING CSC ESSAY AND LOONYWEN PFFFFT AND I KEEP PROCRASTINATING BY S_EEPING AND WATCHING TEEVEE ;( AND GETTING PISSED OFF BY ME MIGRAINE (I should name it)

I shall s_eep. Oh how I wish I've a 7 day MC...

3HOURS

2009-08-20T01:03:00.002+08:00

I JUST SPENT 3 HOURS DOING LOONYWEN -.-

This may not sound productive, but I think it was the most productive session I've ever had!!! I didn't have to scout the stupid Internet for stats and I actually had an aim in mind. I think it was due to the pre-planning yesterday on the printed draft to ensure I don't just open the file and go, 'oh so what am I going to do today/i can't freaking remember what zhang hua said!!!'. And plus I was feeling really sleepy when I sitting at the study table trying to do revision just now. I'm just better off doing lunwen at this point in time when I'm so sleepy...

IT FEELS SUPER DUPER GREAT TO JUST FINISH ONE ENTIRE PART WITHOUT HAVING YOUR HEAD CRACK COS YOU CAN'T FIND SOME ANNOYING STAT (omg I rhyme) OR YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO GO

LOONYWEN MAKES ME SO LOONY ARGH
I'LL CONQUER IT!!! JUST A LITTLE MORE PERSEVERANCE, TENACITY AND TEETH-GRITTING

MY BED BECKONS!!!! TOMORROW IS ANOTHER CHIONGING DAY -.- -.- -.- SADNESS ):

Time is not on my side!

2009-08-12T21:31:00.004+08:00

Oh my meow how I wish there are 32 hours a day now so I can have more time to juggle so many annoying things at the same time!!! D: Is it me or is Baidu performing my searches very very slowly today? It's lagging like shit. Actually, why are all the Chinese websites loading so slowly? And why are all the search results so damn irrelevant?! Why do I feel like napping every time I'm at home? The bed looks ever-enticing to lie on...

A MERE FEW MORE MONTHS OF TORTURE - I CAN DO THIS!!!!!! I CAN THINK ABOUT SLEEPING FOR A WEEK WITHOUT A SINGLE HINT OF GUILT IN A FEW MONTHS' TIME

加油s TO ALL MY FELLOW COMRADES

2009-08-10T20:38:00.002+08:00

I need anger management
I need anger management
I need anger management

Anyway, to a certain someone: DON'T F*CKING LABEL ME BECAUSE YOU DON'T F*CKING KNOW A SINGLE SH*T ABOUT ME

I HATE USELESS PEOPLE!!!! BURN IN HELL.

2009-08-05T23:33:00.002+08:00

THIS IS DAMN AMAZING

The one on Cape No. 7 I just watched on TV is x1000000 times better than this. Super damn good! I can't find the video though. I want to learn it too!!! :)

Complacency Kills

2009-08-01T22:47:00.006+08:00

OMG I'm feeling quite high-spirited now. Not because I've slacked for the entire day, going to school in the morning for the annoying talk and then coming back home feeling enervated and taking a nap from 4 - 8 PM. LOL. :( But because I'm (finally!!) finding real direction in thesis and I think I won't fail. HAHA this makes me very optimistic :D YAY (and I know some particular people will be even more scared hurhur. Intensified competition? Or just the fear of becoming more inferior? You decide.)

Anyways, watching Gourmet and the very cute cow (LOL) makes me want to quit eating beef. I love beef especially beef noodles and beef soup :( But the cow in the show is very cute.

Source: Dramabeans

Two days ago, I was craving for Shin Ramyun.

Yummy :) Ever-so-delicious!!! I haven't eaten it for a few months already. It's also Yiwei's favourite noodles; we used to go gaga over it and will go to the supermarket to buy the cup version. I was telling FT this morning that I was craving for Shin Ramyun and she told me that the news said that it contained "something that isn't supposed to be in it". OH NO :'( Firstly, I've had a good share of Shin Ramyun as my meals and secondly, I can't eat it anymore. :'( Sigh...

But there is an interesting fact pinned on Wikipedia.

Shin Ramyun, Ramen of Choice in North Korea

...

“Currently, cup or instant bowl ramen cost in the region of 3,500 won in the jangmadang, while package ramen is around 2,500.”

2,500 won is approximately half the monthly salary of a North Korean worker. However, among officials and the affluent classes, the social status associated with consuming luxurious, hard-to-get and expensive South Korean Shin Ramyun rather than common Chinese ramen influences purchasing decisions. Needless to say, average citizens also show a great appetite for consuming South Korean Shin Ramyun whenever they have some extra cash. As a result, Shin Ramyun has acquired the nickname “money ramen!”

...

Once Shin Ramyun’s excellence became widely known among the privileged classes, people started giving it to superiors as gifts, and once merchants spotted this burgeoning opportunity for profit Shin Ramyun began to cross the border regularly and appear in the jangmadang in significant quantities.

Source: Daily NK

HAHA

What's in the head?

2009-07-28T23:25:00.002+08:00

I'm not exactly in a good mood now. In fact, I feel irritable and restless. The recent speculations and discussions revolving around my surroundings are really getting on my nerves. They ever so trivial and unimportant but they just piss me off big-time. Just freaking get a life, or no life, in my case. Some people are just awesome liars -.- Seriously...I'll get over this tomorrow, provided that no one talks to me about it, and that I don't accidentally hear loud ramblings in the crowd. A fatal blow to my concentration abilities. Argh.

After sleeping, I'll wake up to a brand new mundane day and I'll forget about my annoyance and I'll get down to working hard for real. FOR. REAL. And I mean it. FOR REAL.

Anyways, I figured that I need approximately 7 to 8 hours of sleep each day to minimise or even to avoid The Great Headache.

Crawling

2009-07-26T23:29:00.004+08:00

Although prelims are like 40 - 50 days away, I don't seem to have any motivation to study/revise. There's like SO MUCH to do but I just can't seem to find the drive in me to camp at the study table. I know I've to brush up on Econs quite a lot but the thought of having to write many many long essays just turns me off. Gotta start loving this. I'm ever so tired whenever I get home and I'll tend to take a nap or waste time watching TV. Plus the attack of frequent, disturbing headaches that last a few seconds each have been common - I really wonder what's wrong with my head? I was scheduled for a brain scan initially but the doctor reviewed my condition and said it's actually not too serious. Yeah I hope so too. But, WTF is wrong, seriously?

I know the former will expire in 3-4 months but the latter will very well expire on my deathbed, whenever it is. Not looking forward to this......pain in the head.

I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means

(An all-time favourite depicting my shallow emotions)

To hell with the future. It gets rather depressing especially after reading yesterday's scholarship news report. I don't know what I REALLY want and it's a f-ing turning point of my life; I need to decide after prelims (provided I do well) and be even more firm in my decision after A's. All these years I've been blindly guided by my mom's "right" perception. The Singaporean way? I asked my mom why am I studying so hard now, and she said that it's for a better future. Other than making more money to lead a better life, what defines a better future? I'd want better health, for one. $ makes the world go round, but what else?

Actually, the thought of taking A's now is getting less scary and the feeling is getting more real.

After all, A's do not mean the world.

But still, it is the world now. I shall work on my essay...
&I will donate blood soon! And frequently too!

Disturbing

2009-07-23T23:59:00.002+08:00

There has been a person who never fails to disgust me thoroughly of late. Previously I only felt slightly disturbed but such a feeling has multiplied extensively just recently. The feeling I get when I see that person is probably a mixture of repulsion and ludicrousness. I can literally imagine my face to be distorted with that rotten expression! And it becomes even worse when the person talks, either to me or to another person. I know I'm really mean, but I would just explode if such thoughts continue to choke my mind. My days will just be ruined. I need to get over this!!! Or maybe, get used to this. DAMN ANNOYING PLEASE!!!

On a another note, I desperately need to get down to studying!!! I've been having an awesome time slacking the last few days. And plus school is draining all my energy, rendering me enervated by the time I get home, causing me to nap. It's really time to ditch TV and sleep. :( And study, study, study. Sad life.

School

2009-07-20T22:11:00.003+08:00

YAY I cleared all of my CSC homework today, including thesis :D After one over week of shit, finally done with redoing the content. But it's definitely slipshod work with loopholes here and there. Well, at least I managed to squeeze out the skeleton and fill it with meat. Whether the meat is suitable or not, or whether I left out spreading meat at the joints, or whether I spread too much meat on one place will then be answered in the future. Muahaha. I shall worry about that next time!

Sians.

I'm supposed to be studying for the time trial now but.......I'm not. I'm still reeling from the sudden revelation from a few days back that Kim Rae-won is very cute and he acts super naturally! HAHAHA. I'm also very preoccupied with the happenings of SI since I'm 1,2,3...,8 episodes behind. But I watch the previews every week to feed my addiction. If I'm not wrong, it will finally end this weekend. By then, I'll be 10 episodes behind. Yaye. I'm also anticipating tomorrow's episode of Forensic Heroes 2. Ever-exciting!! Right now, I'm also living in self-denial because it doesn't feel like there's school for the next few weeks. I dread revision a lot because it will definitely be crazy!

I SHOULD STOP SLACKING/WATCHING TV!!!

There's going to be an eclipse this Wednesday!!!!! But it's kind of sad that we're not in China to witness this phenomenon. And there's school in the morning so we can't really catch a glimpse of it or watch it on TV live :( I heard that the sun will only be partially blocked from Singapore's view. Quite an interesting sight but it's a pity to be unable to witness the full thing!

It's time for bed but I'll attempt to study for time trial now :( I guess I'll just have to cram tomorrow night and prepare to fail!

Unwell

2009-07-19T22:36:00.003+08:00

GET WELL SOON TO THOSE WHO ARE SICK!!!!!!!

It's really scary to see the people around you fall sick, one by one. I hope I didn't get the virus, be it H1N1 or not. It's quite hard to tell whether I'm down with flu or not because 1. I'm under nasal medication 2. I've a perpetually dry mouth and 3. I've a perpetually dry throat too. Observation needed! But it is really spreading fast... AHHHHH. Shall minimise contact with everyone in school! Shoo away!!!

Or maybe I'll fall sick tomorrow morning, and I can get MC for a week! :)

On the other hand, CSC is killin' me!!! It's probably the only subject which piles essays and case studies onto its students. On top of that, there is still killa thesis. *Delirious* Yee ha.

Untitled

2009-07-14T18:58:00.002+08:00

累......

I'M FEELING SO TIRED NOW! I CAN'T MOVE MY BRAIN CELLS, NOT EVEN FOR 1 NANOMETER. RIGHT NOW, I'M LOOKING AT MY F-ED UP THESIS AND WONDERING WHY IS IT SO MESSY. I'M ALSO WONDERING WHERE ARE ALL THE PESKY STATS HIDING!!!!

HELLOS, C'MON OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-
Rule of the day:
The higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment.

One shouldn't expect too much, but one should always strive hard to achieve.

Therefore, I MUST STRIVE HARD FOR THESIS, even though I know that I really really really CMI. Ahh.

Additional pep talk by Amelia:

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

Delirium

2009-07-12T13:27:00.003+08:00

HAHA. I just received an email that shocked the hair follicles out of my ear. Lol, I kid about the hair follicles part. Super surprised!!!!!!! :O :O :O Well, I'm still recovering from the shock. But at least for now I know I won't fail GP overall because the comprehension was really screwed up big time. We'll see tomorrow...

If such luck was diverted to my health problems, MY WORLD WOULD BE SUCH A GOOD PLACE TO LIVE IN, aside from being no life. All I want is good health, good health and good health. Nothing beats this alright!!!

Ugh anyway I think being at home for too long really catalysed my rate of degeneration. I really hate HBL to the max, apart from being able to stay at home to recuperate my irritating ear and head, but they don't seem to be recovering. Over the last few days, I really felt super depressed about my ear blockage -_- WTF is happening, seriously? It's really different from the normal ear blockage I often get, and the normal ear blockage will just disappear on its own after a few hours. Anyway, the NNI appointment is coming right up, so let's see what happens again? Really tired of these annoying problems which don't seem to go away! I really can't perform well under these conditions. Good luck to me for the A Levels. All I can do is to PRAY LIKE SHIT that these problems won't surface when the real thing comes.

Really hate my dysfunctional body big time. I had probably did it wrong in my last life to deserve such annoying problems now. Perhaps if I survive till after university, and if I get a good job which earns big bucks, I'll just consult some private specialist who can take concrete steps towards curing the root of my problem(s).

I spent my last few days doing the assignments from HBL. Because I didn't touch a single CSC assignment during the holidays, and didn't touch thesis at all, I'd to utilise the HBL holidays well to quickly complete these annoying work. I really had a fantastic time doing CSC homework. When I was doing my 2nd case study, I realised that I did the wrong one, which got me really pissed off since case studies are so tedious and they take a lot of time to complete -_- And the funniest thing is that Zhiqian already told me after Econs paper that she did the wrong case study. I was still thinking about it when I was doing mine, and then I realised that I also did the wrong one too!!! What's wrong with us? So I'd to grit my teeth in order to start the actual case study on a fresh piece of foolscap paper. What an exhausting process, I swear. Now, I'm disturbed, probably disgusted, by the fact that there's still one more essay waiting for me to complete. Gross!

And thesis! Really screwed big time.......................HAHAHA. Delirious. I ought to channel more time each day to doing one section at a time. That day when I was scouting through my books and the Internet for relevant statistics, I got so fed up because I couldn't find anything. So I gave up and went to do something else. -.-

My life really sucks, huh.

*GRITS TEETH*

1000th

2009-07-09T12:48:00.002+08:00

My health always seems to be in a mess. Recently, there's this perception that my right ear is blocked all the time. This sensation is different from the ear blockage in the same ear I've experienced for a few years. That kind of ear blockage only occurs sometimes especially in the morning and when I exercise. The one I'm experiencing now feels like there's something blocking the sound from penetrating totally into that ear. It's a horrible feeling :( My dad says I'm just imagining it. I thought it could be due to the accumulation of ear wax and went to visit the doctor so I could get washing. The most irritating thing is that my ears are actually clean and there isn't any ear wax blocking my hearing.

So WTF is wrong?

Am I becoming deaf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH.

Common Tests

2009-07-05T21:12:00.002+08:00

Econs P1 on Tuesday!!! I'M SCREWED but I'm not doing anything to help alleviate this feeling :( For the past 2 days, I've been slacking, slacking and slacking like CTs are totally over! Slacking is really becoming an addiction to me. Tomorrow is my last day to finally do last minute studying for 17 freaking topics -.- I'm sure I'll survive, huh. Or try to smoke my way out for the actual paper, as emulated from CSC hahaha.

Even after Econs on Tuesday, I'll still have my hands filled with work, and dramas to watch, heehee. School has (FINALLY!) decided that we should well forgo learning fest and sports carnival as health is of utmost importance. Therefore, there's technically 1 more week of holiday because tomorrow is Youth Day and uh, Econs on Tues should only take 2-3 hours in the morning. Yay! I was literally jumping for joy when I learnt that we have E-learning at home instead of going to school for post-exam activities. Wise decision! :)

After Econs, I predict I'll go home and 1. take a nap, 2. watch SI hahaha and 3. ATTEMPT to do lunwen or find some useful stats or at least do the freaking outline again. I was telling FT that if I get a B or less for CSC A Levels, I will not be too surprised as my lunwen portion is definitely screwed and I also know that ZH hates me because I often look dead/listless during lessons. Lessons are extremely boring that's why. I think listening to the sounds of the rain outside or even the whirling of the ceiling fans in the classroom would be a much more interesting activity. I also had a bad dream with ZH being the protagonist during the holidays. She told me to look for her for consultation soon. At that time I was thinking, wtf I haven't even touched lunwen, ffff dead please. Okay, actually if I review the rate I'm going at, it's really high-time to prioritise and just ignore revision/e-learning/CSC holiday homework/dramas. LOL.

I should just focus on studying Econs and ignore any other distractions.

LOL I just watched the preview for episode 22. It's super good!!! AFTER ECONS I WILL CHIONG HOME TO WATCH. -_- So much for wanting to be hardworking and do lunwen.

COMMON TESTS

2009-07-02T23:00:00.003+08:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE I SURVIVED...................................................

CSC!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm such a master for not really studying for it, but still capable of squeezing out sufficient points to form an incoherent essay. I thank myself for not studying so hard for the exam because the technical topics weren't even tested in the exam. Hahaha!!!!!! *Glee* Just now in the morning, I crawled up at 8AM to 'study' but eventually got distracted by thoughts like 'this is really boring', 'i'm so dead pls, someone pls just shoot me now' and 'i can slack after 5.30PM later! woohoo!'

Thank God I did not push myself too hard - I may just fall off the cliff into migraine valley. Cheers to generic points too :D Technical topics are seriously as dry as the Sahara desert! I've always struggled to understand these topics. Why do they exist in real life! I mean like, in a real freaking country that is so undeniably strong now?! They're just out to make my life difficult, and sleepy.

But still, I have to face them again in a few weeks' time during prelims and worse, A's. WHAT THE HELL #$^#%^%@#^%

The funniest thing is that I was 0.01 degree celcius away from the trigger temperature of 37.6 during the afternoon temperature taking exercise. 37.59!!! I almost got to miss the CSC paper!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAH

BUT I DID NOT.

Because I was still considered to be under the trigger temperature.

It's probably a good thing since I got it over and done with. During the third essay, I was utterly enervated and almost wanted to give up. The sunlight was also shining directly onto my table which made me very annoyed. And worst, heavy and clogged up head! Ugh, bad feeling.

I survived, still! Didn't die from the headache after so long either.

Even though there's still Econs P1 next week, it feels like CTs are over and the exam mode is gone. Well, there probably wasn't any exam mode to begin with. Plagued with migraine problems everyday, it's really tough to be able to concentrate during every exam. After an exam, my head never fails to feel heavy and clogged up, and it'll only clear when I get onto the bus and rest my brain cells or after I get home and take a cold, relaxing shower. In this condition, it's just impossible for me to enter exam mode, which is a good thing? Or bad?

Therefore, CTs on hindsight was messy. Ahh Math, I'm definitely bound to do badly. Really disappointed in myself, but not particularly upset or affected this time because I know I deserve this for the amount of work I've put in, especially for stats and complex numbers. I did Chem MCQ with a totally blank mind as I'd a freaking migraine attack during the break after Econs and before Chem, and popped a painkiller to kill the pain. It probably only started to take effect during P2 when I started to become more lucid towards the end. My hand was also aching from the crazy writing for Econs in the morning. Hurhur. I'm a genuine winner. Going to pwnz everyone.

But my orange small little painkiller is really wonderous! It's really strong in killing the pain, it just doesn't solve the root of the problem. 治标不治本!

In order to relax, I must sleep >10 hours tonight! As a reward for surviving CTs, even though they're not over yet.

Common Tests

2009-06-29T00:08:00.002+08:00

Tuesday: Econs P2 followed by Chemistry full paper

I'M DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!

One month of holidays - what was I doing? -.- It's really scary how time flies by so quickly, especially true when it comes to the holidays.

Meanwhile, the flu situation is getting worse and worse by the day. I think there are 599 cases as of today (Sunday) with the number of new cases being 145. Judging by how it has been spreading when we were having holidays, it'll most probably escalate like crazy after tomorrow. Wise decision on the non-extension of holidays. They should just extend the holidays and spare us the agony!

And I seem to have sore throat these days.. My mouth is perpetually dry and my nose is also constantly partially blocked. Hope it's not the dreaded virus ugh. I've had enough of hospitals and hospital bills (to hell with them!). I read that if you are a suspected carrier of the flu virus, you'll have to undergo lab tests which cost more than $60 to confirm the suspicion. Seriously, that is damn not worth the money.

2009-06-23T23:19:00.001+08:00

I feel so demoralised after doing Math.......... BIG FAT SIGH! I predict I'll do badly for Math next week :( Hate this feeling of 'knowing' ughzxzxzx

一切顺其自然

2009-06-22T23:52:00.004+08:00

Mr Khaw said that for now, there will be no extension of the school holidays.

Booooooo. My hopes of stalling time for revision consolidation and chionging thesis were after all an illusion. Uhh :( Very very sad! The funniest thing is that I've switched off the exam mode when exams are in 1 week's time! Screwed.

Anyway, today is Lee Min Ho's 22nd birthday! :D He's in a faraway place like Korea where I can't understand the Korean language at all save for some basics and still rely on subtitles to keep me going on for dramas and he has an uncountable number of fans who are all wishing him happy birthday hahaha. How lucky!!! Today is also BX's and Shuting's birthday. I think I'm blogging about this (really unlike me hurhur) cos it's Lee Min Ho's birthday which is special hahaha not to say that BX's and Shuting's birthdays aren't! :D

Oh BTW hmmm I think if I had money to go travelling I'd go to Japan and Korea again! I went to Korea when I was super super young and my impression of Korea is extremely vague but I remember that the food sucked. But the Korean food always looks good on dramas! Really want to try it for myself since I'm more lucid now as compared to the past. And Japan - I just love everything about that place! :D Even though I learn about sour Sino-Japan ties and the bad side of Japan eg how they fight with China over some island -.- or like the alteration of textbook content , I still insist that it's a cool place with cool culture, cool food and cool language! I'm that superficial haha. But I think this travel plan will not be directly after A Levels. It'll probably be executed after I get a job and get paid or something. Hmm.

After A Levels, my tentative goal is to learn Japanese again and Korean. So I can watch dramas without the subtitles, really annoying thing argh. Actually I also want to learn the violin! It's something similar erhu right like the fingering and stuff so I think it'll be quite okay to pick it up? Hmmm..

Goal of the day: Wake up earlier tomorrow to study!
My ENT appointment is tomorrow! May all go well.

1AM

2009-06-21T23:51:00.004+08:00

찬란한 유산 is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super addictive!! Feel like watching more. But at the expense of studies? Uh I'm actually doing that now ahh :( And I have been watching SI for the last few days while everyone is working hard. Such a failure... The worst thing is that the drama only airs 2 episodes per week, that is during the weekends. So it's like 18/26 aired now and I've just finished episode 15 as of 1AM. I will be determined to curb the temptation to watch tomorrow and for the remaining pathetic days to CTs! After studying for the last few weeks, I still can't remember a lot of things. And I'm super screwed for Econs like it feels like I vaguely know macro topics but I never study detailedly or put in the effort to remember. Plus I have not really covered some macro topics; my idea of them is based on memory. Ugh.

But who knows, they may just declare a holiday extension come end of the week! *Glee*

If so, not only will I have an extra week to consolidate what I've revised, or supposedly revised for the past few weeks, I'll have time for enjoying thesis! That's so great! D:

Still, I hope they do so I can at least salvage my thesis. Pray like hell!!!

On another note...

Headache status: I'm much better now after going (again) to the Chinese physician to do acupuncture. The previous Chinese physician I went to gave me some medicine and I finished every ounce of it but to no signs recovery and perhaps worsening of the condition. -.- Well but it did work a month ago when I ate it. Hurhur. The Chinese physician I went to told me that I've gastric problems (did I interpret this correctly?) and it causes the headache/the pressure felt on my head. He said that I SHOULD NOT 吃太饱 i.e. the bad effects of Sakae. He also told me that I should avoid fried food, chilli (oh what appropriate timing since I've only gotten to like chilli these days), cold drinks... Eh I'm quite sad about the cold drinks part since I love cold drinks a lot. I mean who drinks hot soya bean milk from Mr Bean or hot bubble tea?! Especially with Singapore's increasingly hot and humid weather... CMI. And sigh frappes - I miss them a lot after not drinking coffee for a few weeks. :( Ok but health is more important alright. Actually I'm not even sure if the physician was right about his diagnosis. But at least I'm better now! :D It'll come back to haunt me again yes. Dread.

Ok actually I feel like eating roti prata and Mr Bean's chocolate pancake now :O I've been sleeping at 1 ++ AM these days because I watch entertainment news from 12-1AM. Bad shit. I wake up super late the next day :( But I tried sleeping at 10-11PM and I still woke up at around the same time. Conclusion: I shall sleep at 1AM but I'll still try to sleep earlier. Must wake up earlier to study!! Going to visit the ear doctor technically tomorrow. May all go well! (: